Random Rarebits 2

Thursday, May 25, 2006

In good times, in bed times?

If you're a single or divorced woman who has a successful career or business and is financially independent or even rich, and do not need a man to support you, would you consider getting yourself into nikah misyar with a man who can't afford to support you financially?

Well, if you have been reading the local papers lately you'd know what it means. But if you haven't, let me enlighten you a lil bit on the subject matter.


Nikah Misyar is marriage concept where a man, usually with much lesser financial means or a lower social status, enters into the marriage with a woman who is financially better off or of a higher social status. There are no financial commitments just nocturnal obligations.

Unlike a normal marriage, there would be no pre-nuptial contract that demands the man to provide financial support for the woman, but he has to provide for the woman's physical and emotional needs, as well as be the father to her children and protect her and the family.

Nikah Misyar, however, doesn't have a contractual time frame like Nikah Mutaah. So it's like a normal marriage - till death do us part - with sex and all but minus financial responsibility for the husband.

The concept was proposed in view of the many unmarried who are financially well off, and many unmarried men who are too broke to afford a wife.




I don't know why there's so much debate going on over the possibility of making it an acceptable practice here in Malaysia, because I think whether we realise it or not, in more than half of marriages here are now already practicing such a concept. Perhaps, with the exception that it is not agreed upon before the marriage vow was taken. The fact is, a lot of wives, wealthy or not, are currently supporting their husbands and children. I say this I've talked to many of them - too many in fact.

Hmmm we are making it too easy for men here, aren't we?


I think, while the concept is unfair to women, it is fine under some circumstances. However, spelling out the part about financial non-commitment sounds like we are supressing our women's rights in some ways.

Do we have to spell it out on paper? Isn't marriage a life partnership where we share - not just a give and take where one party is always giving and the other always taking.

Consider this, what happens after they get married and the man's rezeki increased tremendously and he becomes wealthy? The woman would be on the losing end because he is not obligated to provide for her nafkah or livelihood. If he leaves her for another woman, she loses all her rights as a wife.



I think it is alright if the wife agrees that the husband doesn't have to contribute financially if he really can't afford it and the wife is really well off and able to support the family. But the husband has to be financially able to at least support himself and also contribute in other ways and share non-financial repsonsibilities with his wife - like taking care of children, sharing household chores for example.

When the husband finally has the financial means to support his wife and family, then he should start doing that and not let the wife continue to support him and the family. That would be taking advantage. I may be old fashioned, but a man has to be financially independent in order for me to respect him. A man cannot be riding on his partner financially.

But all that aside, why in the first place we have to spell it out that the man will not provide financial support - it makes a marriage lose its romance and novelty. When you marry someone, you should be willing to go through good times and bad times together - not just BED time. For better or for worse husbands and wives should stick together. That's what I think...

Tell me, what is your take on Nikah Misyar?

18 Comments:

  • ada lak topik nikah nak tanya kucing?

    ape arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr bab nikah nie senang aje.

    kalu suka sama suka, boleh hadapi badai kehidupan bersama sama ok lerrrrrr apa nak berkonsep konsep sgt..

    hai_amr

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu May 25, 08:08:00 PM 2006  

  • :) liza,

    *smile* i have lots of catching up to do in term of reading ur blog...dah byk eh entry ...but on this topic...i think life partnering is matters of the heart...and less of matter of the contractual details...if a man and a woman really loves eadch other...maka kawen lah!
    Even if the love is not so obvious, but you two people LIKE each other...maka worth taking a plunge as well...loves can develop..

    cheers and best wishes,
    idham

    By Blogger Idham, at Fri May 26, 12:57:00 AM 2006  

  • Men are always getting protected when it comes to marriage aren't they? Maybe in that contract it should also be stated that the husband should also clean the housework, cook and take care of the children? Then perhaps it'd be more balance?

    I mean I don't want the hardworking wife to come home, tired, see the house in a mess, the children running around dirty, hubby watching TV and looking up at wife, smile and says, "Darling, can you get me coffee?"

    Sometimes you get the good man, sometimes you don't. When you're young, you don't think about protecting your interests, but now that you're older and wiser, I think you should.

    By Anonymous Intan, at Fri May 26, 10:34:00 AM 2006  

  • Oh! Are we back at the discussion about how marriage is just to legalise sex?

    Misyar being less of a financial burden, is still a commitment for the husband and the wife. I would imagine if either one commits to such marriage, both have agreed to forego any form of financial support, and each are well to do.

    We live in modern times, which calls for modern lifestyles. While marriage is still a requirement for most, would the case of misyar allow for dads to really merely be sperm donors and not have to make any contribution to raising the child?

    One should wonder, although this is seen as a method to reduce "gejala social", khalwat and zina, what possible negative implications it would have to families that aren't ready to accept an addition to their families...or consequences that should happen when the husband goes up to the wife and says, "Yang, I nak kahwin satu lagi, tapi misyar je...so you'll still be the only ONE".

    Never a pleasant thing, isn't it?

    Furthermore, why do we constantly seek ways to make it simpler for the men to stray? And what about trying to find ways that can help existing families from falling apart?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 11:08:00 AM 2006  

  • uih aku setuju tp dgn sepahaman dan kena same2 setia. tp ade setengah lelaki akan ambil kesempatan. yelah pompuan tu berjawatan tinggi so mesti dia ambil kesempatan cam kes si BABY tu...

    drebar_pion

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 11:15:00 AM 2006  

  • hmmmm ....tu ler pesal lelaki skrg ni byk sgt spesis jantan kabaret!

    By Blogger Nel, at Fri May 26, 11:17:00 AM 2006  

  • betul tu....itu aku sokong biar pun aku lelaki!

    drebar_pion

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 11:18:00 AM 2006  

  • dear nel,

    based from my friends and relatives' experiences, men nowadays like to 'goyang kaki' than provide for the family... just remember... nafkah divided into 2... zahir n batin... kalau batin jek isi, zahir nyer mana?? nak mentekedarah pasir ke???

    -HeppiFlever@Exam-

    By Blogger ~ iT's thE hAppY fLaVoR tHat rEaLLy cOuNts ~, at Fri May 26, 11:59:00 AM 2006  

  • emm.. well.. i dont think it should apply lah. tak elok lah kawin berdasar kan sex je. tapi if .. dari ade scandal elok jugak ade nikah misyar nie. entah lah i also donno.

    well.. as i told u lah kan. i dont agree wit it. even though u marry somebody .. that is not afortable. whats important is both of u work to help the husband. i believe in that.

    fikizul

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 12:01:00 PM 2006  

  • LOL! HeppiFlever! betul tuh, mkn roti kering jer ler hari2 :)

    By Blogger Nel, at Fri May 26, 12:03:00 PM 2006  

  • ko org banyak harta..keje tinggi.. bole sara diri sendiri...

    according to paper utusan smlm... aku bole ajak ko kawen misyar.

    aku tak perlu sara ko.. just bagi ko sex je.

    sugar mummy lain..

    itu ko kene sara idop jantan tu lak.. ini tak payah...

    u r on your own.. the man pon..on his own gak... cume kawen to have legal sex.

    wongillo

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 12:41:00 PM 2006  

  • good for the man... the man can marry 4 wives.. all of them from high income bracket, thus can support themselves.

    What we have here is a 'legal' gigolo. Sounds like a fantastic job. I am sure many men out there would like to apply.

    My point is simple, any system can be abused and will be abused. MOre important, what is our 'niat', chew on that!

    - wong

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 12:48:00 PM 2006  

  • My take on this:

    1. If it's allowed, it should be taken as it is.
    2. Having said that, I think a man should make all effort to be financially sound so as to be able to provide for his wife and kids.
    3. Even kalau takde fatwa pun, there are already men out there who are living off his wife so this thing is nothing new.

    Ridzwan

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri May 26, 05:58:00 PM 2006  

  • Would agree that the man should try his best to be financially stable to support his family.

    Nope, I would not opt for this.

    By Blogger Nour, at Mon May 29, 11:10:00 AM 2006  

  • nuthin new about this news. i tell u wat; women just love being in control...u got u power now girls.Man being a chicken in ur own very house - supported by fatwa u r entitled to boohoo clapping song to ur man. PLUS, now evryone knows that ur husband is MISYAR OMAR! So tell me now, is it the man-being-protected-law, or the man-declared-chicken-law? ur votes none concern me :P

    hackaworld.? urownzone.?
    Try ubuntu linux, it is our software.
    LINUX IT CAME WITH FIREFOX

    By Anonymous vern, at Mon May 29, 11:29:00 AM 2006  

  • Pendapat i,nikah benda yang halal.Masalahnya kita orang Melayu Islam ni suka meyusahkan benda yang mudah.Kita kena kembali pada Tauhid sebab ianya benda yang asas dalam agama Islam.Sebab itu Rasulullah S.A.W mentauhidkan penduduk Mekah setelah 557 tahun penduduk Mekah tiada pemimpin iaitu apabila Nabi Isa A.S di angkat ke langit.Dalam bab Tauhid,perkara jodoh adalah perkara alam ghaib iaitu di luar kemampuan manusia.Ianya termasuk dalam perkara yang di rancang oleh Allah S.W.T yang kita,jin,syaitan even malaikat pun tidak mengetahuinya.Semua orang hendak jodoh yang sempurna dan baik mengikut spesifikasi mereka tetapi kita selalu lupa yang kita adalah hambaNya yang lemah dan semestinya patuh dan menerima ketentuanNya terutama dalam hal jodoh.Kenapa soal jodoh selalu jadi isu di Malaysia ialah kerana kita ni nama je Islam tapi kita sendiri tak faham sebenarnya tentang Islam.Kita baca Al-Quran tapi sekadar baca sahaja tetapi tak faham langsung tafsir Al-Quran.Kita solat tetapi kita tak faham makna dalam bacaan solat padahal sejak kecil dah start solat tapi terjemahan Al-Fatihah pun kita tak pernah nak ambik tau.Kalau kita selalu baca tafsir Al-Quran,kita akan faham kenapa Islam itu mudah.Kenapa orang kafir yang mengkaji tentang Islam selama 10 tahun akhirnya menangis dan mengucapkan 2 kalimah syahadah kerana dia telah berjumpa dengan apa yang di carinya.Kembali pada bab nikah misyar,saya rasa tidak salah kalau kita amalkan di Malaysia sebab ianya halal.Kalau ada di luar sana rasa ragu-ragu atau tidak suka dengan cara ini,tolonghlah bersangka baik dengan Allah dan pasanglah niat kalau nak menikah misyar hanya kerana Allah dan yakin dan berserahlah pada Allah kerana hanya Dia sahaja yang Maha Bijaksana dan Maha Mengetahui.Kalau Allah mampu mencipta dunia dalam masa 6 hari,mencipta sebesar2 gunung dan sehalus2 virus,siapalah kita yang ingin mempertikaikan hukum Allah.

    By Blogger anet, at Fri Jun 02, 12:28:00 AM 2006  

  • liza....macam mana aku nk komen ni ehh....aku lom khawin lagi....but i will try beb.....normally in tis issue's when d guys found tat d girlincome high then him...kena yg kuang ajar sure lah dia take advantage..if tat guy is sincere 2 her ...tapi mostly tak:))use 4 their own goods...after all liza ..i'm sure u big enough 2 settle tis probs beb....bawa2 bersabar ok............

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Jun 02, 12:47:00 AM 2006  

  • Tu ler aku pesan kat hang sbg kawan, jantan & lelaki hang jgn milih sgt kalo jumpa yg b'tanggung jawap tu hang sapu je la mcm adik pompuan aku.

    bluetooth

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Jun 05, 01:27:00 AM 2006  

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