Random Rarebits 2

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Anger Management 101

There more to life than love relationships. I would rather work toward my personal development so that I can be a better person and happier too with or without a love life. Whitney Houston sang, "learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all..." Well, let me correct that, loving yourself would be the second greatest love of all, because loving God would always have to come first and foremost. Hehe am trying to be a good Muslim here.

German political scientist Karl Wolfgang Deutsch once said, "The single greatest power in the world today is the power to change. The most recklessly irresponsible things we could do in the future would be to go on exactly as we have in the past ten or twenty years?"

My first step in changing my life is to change what I don't like about myself. Then I'd like myself better because eventually I would be the person I desire to become.

A Chinese Epigram I recently came across said, "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."

So, the first thing I want to change about myself is my tendency to be impulsive espcially with what I said to people who angered me. It's created some frictions in some of my relationships. No doubt I hardly show my anger, but when I do I tend to make my subject very very small. It's terrible of me, I know, but sometimes I just can't help it. If you only knew what kind of animals I'm dealing with to be angered as such. But still, that's a lame excuse. No matter how angry, I gotta keep my cool. If I can keep my cool at work, I should be able to take the same approach for my personal life.

Hehehe I remember when I was younger and life was slower than it is now, I used to have more patience and tact with everyone, and my thoughts and emotions were very aligned. My friends and colleagues used to describe me as Ms Calm, Cool & Collected because nothing actually angered me even with The Ex-Hubby's strings of extra marital affairs.

I dunno what happened there, but I think I changed after my divorce. Sometimes, I think I am still in trauma, shock, denial, whatever! Because The Ex Hubby abandoned me so suddenly, a closure from The Ex Hubby would help a lot. The strings of trials and errors did not help much. Now I'm determined not to have another relationship until I align my thoughts and emotions like the mechanisms in a clockwork.

So yes, better management of my emotions is my main agenda right now. Hehe back to school for "Anger Management 101" it is for me. Hehe it reminds me of a movie Adam Sandler starred in, "Anger Management". If I can overcome my anger and manage it better and turn it around into something positive, I would be calmer and would keep my cool in any situation in future. That would be my resolve for the next hundred days.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Fools fall in love?

Despite going through many bitter sweet experiences in my trials and errors in love relationships, I'm not going to be bitter and withdraw into a corner and wallow in grief so to speak. Rather, I'm going to take my errors with a dash of humour, learn from them and move on in life.

Giving up is not in my vocabulary. Call me foolhardy, call me foolish, but I still believe in love. I don't think love is a foolery - and love certainly is not a fool's errands. Not only fools fall in love.

I know that love is not going to be a fool's mate. Because nothing in life is fully foolproof, maybe there'll be more trials and errors. But I would no longer live in fool's paradise. After much trials and errors, I'm sure the right solution will come along in good time and place.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Three's not a crowd?

A good friend once told me when a man marries a second wife it does not mean his love for his first wife will be less. Love just multiplies as the more you give love, the more you will receive. While I agree on the love multiplication thing, I still won't agree to polygamy. Not everyone's cup of tea, and not mine either.

I was amused when I read about this Thai man who married a pair of twins at one go. Hehehe talk about demonstrating love multiplication. Here's the story...

After Wichai, 24, an old goods dealer from Samut Songkram Province married gorgeous twins Sirintara and Thipawan, 22, he vouched sincere equal love for both of them!

Wichai on March 23 got married in a pompous ceremony to both twins simultaneously.

On being interviewed by Thai Rath reporters, Wichai declared wholeheartedly that he didn't see much problem in having to perform tiresome marital duties with two wives. In the engagement ceremony before the wedding, Wichai successfully offered a dowry of 8 baht of gold and 80,000 baht EACH for his lovely darlings.

Both families celebrated the marriage with joy and were said to be delighted for the threesome. Wichai told the press he had been best of friends with his neighbouring twins since they were children.

"When I grew older I would walk past their house each morning and try to decide for myself which one I fancied more, but it was darned impossible - I adored BOTH of them - I just couldn't decide, which one of them....!"

He went on to say, 'For three continuous years all three of us would go on dates together until there was one day when I couldn't stand the frustration any longer and told them, "I love you and want to marry you BOTH!"

The fortunate Wichai, instead of getting a slap in the face, was overjoyed when both girls admitted to having sworn all along, that they wished to marry the same man!

"It wasn't easy at first what with the neighbours gossiping but our family sympathized, understood, and fully supported our mutual love for the one man," the twins said.

Wichai arranged for his brides to live with him in his family house after the wedding. His mother has already proudly prepared TWO rooms for the newly-weds.

Our reporters were just gagging to hear the response to this mouth-watering question: "And...what are the sleeping arrangements?"

To which he replied modestly with a beaming smile, "Absolutely no problems! For the first three nights of the week, I will sleep with Thipawan and the next three will be spent with Sirintara. As for every Saturday, the three of us will sleep together"

Sirintara finally told the press, "When my twin and I worked as assistant nurses, we promised each other that we would never leave each other's side, and that our future husband would have to either take us both, or leave us.

Hahaha thank God it's Friday for the lucky man! Tomorrow is Saturday, talk about performing tiresome marital duties, I'm imagining they must be having threesome :)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Once the game is over

An Italian Proverb says, "once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box". Likewise, in a chess game, as in other games, like soccer, someone has to win, someone has to lose. Checkmate! Goal! Stalemate. Draw.

Losing is no doubt very painful - be it in a sports game, on the chess board or in love. The pain is there but at varying degrees.

Good news is, while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. We can choose to suffer or to be happy. Thank God! It's a lot better to bounce back than to become a sore loser.

Love hurts, just like life's growing pains - you crawl, you walk, you run, you fall, sometimes flat on your face. But you know what, you get up and you go at it again.

I believe everything that happens to us in life is part of a grander scheme of things. Makes us stronger and wiser...

I think I'll survive this heartbreak.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Adakah cinta memerlukan sebab?

This story will illustrate to you why unconditional love is important....

Dalam satu kisah percintaan yang menarik. Sepasang suami isteri berjalan di tepi sebuah tasik yang indah. Kemudian mereka berhenti di sebuah bangku yang disediakan di tepi tasik. Kemudian si isteri bertanya kepada si suami. Ini dialog mereka:

Isteri : Mengapa abang menyukai saya? Mengapa abang cintakan saya?

Suami : Abang tidak boleh menerangkan sebabnya, namun begitu abang memang menyayangi dan mencintai Sayang!

Isteri : Abang tak boleh terangkan sebabnya? Bagaimana abang boleh katakan abang sayang dan cintakan saya sedangkan abang tidak boleh menerangkannya.

Suami : Betul! Abang tak tahu sebabnya tetapi abang boleh buktikan bahawa abang memang cintakan Sayang!

Isteri : Tak boleh beri bukti! Tidak! Saya hendak abang terangkan kepada saya sebabnya. Kawan-kawan saya yang lain yang mempunyai suami dan teman lelaki, semuanya tahu menerangkan mengapa mereka mencintai. Dalam bentuk puisi dan syair lagi. Namun begitu abang tidak boleh terangkan sebabnya.

Si suami menarik nafas panjang dan dia berkata "Baiklah! Abang mencintai Sayang sebab sayang cantik, mempunyai suara yang merdu, penyayang dan mengingati abang selalu. Abang juga sukakan senyuman manis dan setiap tapak Sayang melangkah, di situlah cinta Abang bersama Sayang!"

Si isteri tersenyum dan berpuas hati dengan penerangan suaminya tadi. Namun begitu selang beberapa hari si isteri mengalami kemalangan dan koma. Si suami amat bersedih dan menulis sepucuk surat kepada isterinya yang disayangi. Surat itu diletakkan di sebelah katil isterinya di hospital.

Surat tersebut berbunyi begini : "Sayang!Jika disebabkan suara aku mencintai mu... sekarang bolehkah engkau bersuara? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu. Jika disebabkan kasih sayang dan ingatan aku mencintai mu...sekarang bolehkah engkau menunjukkannya? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu.Jika disebabkan senyuman aku mencintai mu... sekarang bolehkah engkau tersenyum? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu.Jika disebabkan setiap langkah aku mencintai mu.... sekarang bolehkah engkau melangkah? Tidak! Oleh itu aku tidak boleh mencintai mu. Jika cinta memerlukan sebabnya, seperti sekarang. Aku tidak mempunyai sebab mencintai mu lagi. Adakah cinta memerlukan sebab? Tidak! Aku masih mencintai mu dulu, kini, selamanya dan cinta tidak perlu ada sebab. Kadangkala perkara tercantik dan terbaik di dunia tidak boleh dilihat, dipegang. Namun begitu... ia boleh dirasai dalam hati."

Sunday, June 18, 2006

The importance of love

After reading my previous post on men, a friend thought I'm on a man hating crusade. Haha that's not true, I still love men and am open to marrying one in the future - those who are worthy of love and respect of course. Those who are not worthy, I hope one day they will find it in their hearts to realise the wrong they have done and know that what goes around comes around. Women is NOT the hunting game they should be preying upon, but instead, to protect and love.

I don't think men as a "player" should think of love as a commodity they must fight for and conquer with conniving tricks and strategic dating tactics.

To women who are vulnerable just like me, let us put our hands together and realize that love is evident in how we see the world. We can liken love as a seed in all of us. The more we see love in the people around us, even in the heart of the stranger on the street,the more we will be blessed with its radiant light on us.

Let today serve as a reminder for all of us, of the importance of love.

On that note, a conversation I had with an old friend from my university days had left a profound mark on my thoughts.

Exactly one year ago I was having an sms text marathon with Graveyard Shift. We were talking about a mutual friend who was getting married, and as love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. The topic had digressed to a more interesting subject than marriage - love, that is.

Graveyard Shift thought that love just rolled down at our mutual friend's feet, unlike for him, it's an uphill task - he felt he's not good enough. I disagreed.

We sometimes say, "stop looking and love will find you". But another school of thought says, everyone have to look for their other half, because love, like a good fortune doesn't just roll down at our feet.

Another friend once told me, "There's no such thing as Mr. Right". To which I agree, because there is only the right chemistry between two people, who will just have to make things go right. We must never look for Mr. Right. Instead, look for someone who feels right for us, makes us feel alright, and makes us feel that being with him is the right thing to do.

From this "right" relationship, what should evolve is "selfless unconditional love" for each other. I believe this is what you call true love - very rare indeed and I do envy those who found it. I thought I found it 15 years ago, but The Ex-Hubby's perpetual unfaithfulness, betrayal and simply the everyday struggles and reality of marriage just spoiled it all. Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.

I think selfless unconditional love can only be achieved if you have emotional maturity and emotional independence where you don't need someone to make you happy or unhappy. So, that way, when you love someone, it is only to make your other half happy - not the other way around. You see, most people find her other half hoping he can make her happy. That is the problem!

To which Graveyard Shift replied: "Damn! Well said. Hit me straight to the heart. I guess I should really learn how to actually give first before I can receive."

Selfless unconditional love may sound idealistic because people are selfish and has no sincerity in love. They expect to be loved before they can fully give love.

It's like, if she loves me, then I'll love her back. Otherwise forget it.

I think if one falls in love, then one just falls in love. There is no "IF" for love is an absolute sum game. It takes great strength to give selfless unconditional love.

Most people fear their love will not be returned, so they would rather not give at all. But they forget to give Shakespeare some credit - better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. I think if your love is returned, you're most fortunate - it will be the greatest gift to be shared between two people. But if you're unlucky, then consider it "sedekah" or goodwill.

You don't lose anything by giving love. You gained by having a bigger heart.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Crash, Boom, Bang!

I think I've over-reacted to my circumstances lately. Perhaps, just perhaps, I'm quite allergic to this thing called love. Just like what my close friends pointed out to me, I'm such a hopeless romantic. When I'm in love, I tend to lose my focus on other things in life and other people. I gave all my heart and soul to love. I gave too much. Hehehe what can I say...I must have a big heart eh?

I think I should now learn from my lessons in love.

Just like that Crash! Boom! Bang! song that Roxette sang...

My Papa told me to stay out of trouble
When you've found your man, make sure he's for real
I've learnt that nothing really lasts for ever
I sleep the scars I wear that won't heal
They won't heal

Cos' every time I seem to fall in love
I find the heart but then I hit the wall
That's the call, that's the game
and the pain stays the same

I spent last night thinking hard after watching an opera called Bangsawan Naga Chini at Istana Budaya with Belle of the Party. We got complimetary tickets from Tony Eusoff, who played Aria Chakra a peace envoy from Kemboja Sari in serach of Kota Gelanggi but was stranded in Paya Chini. That was my first experience watching a bangsawan, a traditional Malay opera that was once called wayang parsi.

It's a story of how love for one woman, Puteri Mayang Sari, brought about war between two men, Arus Putra and Gempita Sakti who are twin brothers. The opera subtly reflects the reality of today's life intertwined in myth and legend.

My question is, if love is pure and beautiful, how can it bring about so much hatred, pride and prejudice? Love should bring peace - not war.

After re-evaluating my life as a whole, perhaps my friends were right about me. When it rains, it pours and it was raining cats and dogs inside my heart last night.

Emotionally flooding, I wrote an impromptu verse on love I wrote, if you can call it a poem lah. I'll just call it "For Love..."

Love is my strength and my weakness
For love I thrive to great heights
For love I fall down on my knees
For love I'm fueled by its fire
For love I drowned in its river
For love I shouted joyful tears
For love I cried silent tears of despair
Love is my tonic and my poison

At the moment, there is only one thing left that I could do to change my situation - change my attitude towards love. As they say, better attitudes lead to better choices in life. Hence, better choices lead to better results, especially when it comes to love. Errr....and being a capitalist, I must say...and money...hehehe...

"A happy person is not a person
in a certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person
with a certain set of attitudes."

- Hugh Downs

I shall from this moment on, focus on gratitude - to God and to people who matters. For all I know, could it be that I am already wealthy and beloved in all the ways that truly count?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

No man, no cry...

After hearing a PROMUDA talk by Tun Mahathir Mohamad titled "Where are we heading as a nation?" last night, I got a little worried about the future of our country and of course, my economic future too, because he said we're going from bad to worse.

I couldn't sleep so I revisited my favorite book The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry.

The Little Prince said, it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is most important is invisible to the eye.

Probably that's why I am such a bad judge of character when it comes to men.

Being visually oriented, I've a tendency to be attracted to aesthetics values - when I should be looking objectively at realistic values. That is so wrong now that I think of it - leads to many, many bad decisions in choosing men.

I think for now I will just take a break from men. I'll focus on my economic future.

It's true, no man is worth a woman's tears. A man who is, won't make a woman cry.

No man, no cry...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Many splendoured thing

If love is a many splendoured thing, then I'm just not as fortunate enough to capture those many splendours and make them mine.

If love is taking a walk in the park, I must have missed that gazebo. If love is like a maze, then I am lost somewhere. If love is a capitalist economy, there's obviously a terrible mismatch in the demand and supply. If love is a double edged sword. I've been on both edges of the sword - it hurts when someone you love doesn't feel the same way about you. It hurts too when you know someone loves you and you're not able to feel the same way. If love is a jetplane, mine is still circling in mid air waiting for permission to land.

Somehow love seems to elude me - something is always missing from the equations...

I don't wanna think about love anymore. It's a remote possibility. Feel like giving up on love - the roads I've traveled on had left me with too many heartaches. It's too painful to walk on love's path. I feel like dying inside.

I want to quit this game before I am defeated, fall apart and break into pieces like glass.

My heart is singing this song called Dealova, sung by Once (pronounced as on-che) of this Indonesian group called Dewa. To who? I dunno...

Dealova - by Once (OST Dealova)

Aku ingin menjadi
Mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi
Sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu

Karena langkah merapuh
Tanpa dirimu
Karena hati telah letih

Aku ingin menjadi
Sesuatu yang selalu bisa kau sentuh
Aku ingin kau tau
Bahwa aku selalu memujamu

Tanpamu sepinya waktu
Merantai hati
Bayangmu seakan-akan..

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang kuhela
Kau selalu ada


Hanya dirimu
Yang bisa membuatku tenang
Tanpa dirimu
Aku merasa hilang
Dan sepi..
Dan sepi...

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang kuhela
Kau selalu ada

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang kuhela
Kau selalu ada

Selalu ada...
Kau selalu ada..
Selalu ada..
Kau selalu ada...

I was feeling sad I cried myself to sleep last night...that was really very painful. If you had been where I am right now, you'd know how I feel.

If love is a many splendoured thing, why does it hurt so terribly?