The importance of love

After reading my previous post on men, a friend thought I'm on a man hating crusade. Haha that's not true, I still love men and am open to marrying one in the future - those who are worthy of love and respect of course. Those who are not worthy, I hope one day they will find it in their hearts to realise the wrong they have done and know that what goes around comes around. Women is NOT the hunting game they should be preying upon, but instead, to protect and love.

I don't think men as a "player" should think of love as a commodity they must fight for and conquer with conniving tricks and strategic dating tactics.

To women who are vulnerable just like me, let us put our hands together and realize that love is evident in how we see the world. We can liken love as a seed in all of us. The more we see love in the people around us, even in the heart of the stranger on the street,the more we will be blessed with its radiant light on us.

Let today serve as a reminder for all of us, of the importance of love.

On that note, a conversation I had with an old friend from my university days had left a profound mark on my thoughts.

Exactly one year ago I was having an sms text marathon with Graveyard Shift. We were talking about a mutual friend who was getting married, and as love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. The topic had digressed to a more interesting subject than marriage - love, that is.

Graveyard Shift thought that love just rolled down at our mutual friend's feet, unlike for him, it's an uphill task - he felt he's not good enough. I disagreed.

We sometimes say, "stop looking and love will find you". But another school of thought says, everyone have to look for their other half, because love, like a good fortune doesn't just roll down at our feet.

Another friend once told me, "There's no such thing as Mr. Right". To which I agree, because there is only the right chemistry between two people, who will just have to make things go right. We must never look for Mr. Right. Instead, look for someone who feels right for us, makes us feel alright, and makes us feel that being with him is the right thing to do.

From this "right" relationship, what should evolve is "selfless unconditional love" for each other. I believe this is what you call true love - very rare indeed and I do envy those who found it. I thought I found it 15 years ago, but The Ex-Hubby's perpetual unfaithfulness, betrayal and simply the everyday struggles and reality of marriage just spoiled it all. Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener.

I think selfless unconditional love can only be achieved if you have emotional maturity and emotional independence where you don't need someone to make you happy or unhappy. So, that way, when you love someone, it is only to make your other half happy - not the other way around. You see, most people find her other half hoping he can make her happy. That is the problem!

To which Graveyard Shift replied: "Damn! Well said. Hit me straight to the heart. I guess I should really learn how to actually give first before I can receive."

Selfless unconditional love may sound idealistic because people are selfish and has no sincerity in love. They expect to be loved before they can fully give love.



It's like, if she loves me, then I'll love her back. Otherwise forget it.

I think if one falls in love, then one just falls in love. There is no "IF" for love is an absolute sum game. It takes great strength to give selfless unconditional love.

Most people fear their love will not be returned, so they would rather not give at all. But they forget to give Shakespeare some credit - better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. I think if your love is returned, you're most fortunate - it will be the greatest gift to be shared between two people. But if you're unlucky, then consider it "sedekah" or goodwill.

You don't lose anything by giving love. You gained by having a bigger heart.