Random Rarebits 2

Friday, September 29, 2006

Til the fat lady sings

Ever heard that popular adage, "it's never over til the fat lady sings"? Coined by a sportswriter and broadcaster Dan Cook, it was a form of self-assurance (or in denial) in the face of long odd, often muttered when things look grim.



Things did look a little grim today. It shouldn't be, but I couldn't help my tears when I heard that my ex-husband had recently remarried.

I heard he went to Manila in the Phillippines to elope with The Other Woman. From what I know, they've been having an affair since the year before he left me four years ago. He must be in love with her for remaining with her for these many years. His two other extra-marital affairs only lasted a month or two.

Jogging down the memory lane, four years ago I was terribly devastated and deeply hurt by his betrayal. It was my fault that my entire universe revolved around him. When he deserted me without a word, except for a short sms to tell me that our marriage was over, I thought I would die of a broken heart. I didn't. Nonetheless, I still am a little hurt after all these years. Perhaps because he is still very much a part of me. I know that because I cried myself to sleep after hearing the news.

As Sheryl Crow sang, "first love is the deepest, first cut is the deepest..." He was afterall my first love, my first hurt.

I guess I haven't really let go of him. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why I couldn't fully commit to a relationship with another man. I have to let him go.

I thinks things would have been a lot easier for me, if he had given me a proper closure in ending our relationship. He never once told me in person he was sorry for what he did to me. Just saying sorry to me in my face would make a big difference to me. I guess his ego is thicker than The Great Wall of China.

But hey, then again, I don't want to be a sore loser. I may lose in this game, but I did learn great lessons.

Guess what, "it's never over til the fat lady sings"...

Nonetheless, because we were together for a good 14 years and half of that time I was married to him, my love for him has become somewhat unconditional, it cannot be undone. So much so that I am happy that he is happy with his choice.

Like energy, love cannot dissolve, it just evolves...

He wrote in his break-up e-mail to me that his ideal had changed. Suddenly he realised I'm no longer his ideal. Whatever lah!

Nonetheless, I'm happy that he has found his ideal, whatever that means. Honestly, I really am.

Congratulations, Tahir!

7 Comments:

  • oh Liza....i feel for you, know exactly what you mean about having closure. hey, if a stranger like me can offer you a shoulder to share and empathise, feel free to email me. But trust me, in may take a long long time before your wond heal but it will go away. just dont put your life on whole waiting for the pain to og away. sometimes, we need another to help us recover. take care and bravo to you for being strong and loving him unconditionally.

    By Blogger Ms J, at Sat Sep 30, 11:34:00 AM 2006  

  • err ... dunno what to say

    :-|

    By Blogger Azer Mantessa, at Sun Oct 01, 12:38:00 AM 2006  

  • :-( so sorry......
    how/when did you find out? i don't know, it must be really bad for you...

    harm done

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Oct 02, 12:05:00 PM 2006  

  • I don't think I've let go either, Liza. Of my hatred towards him that is. I still want to murder him...

    No matter what happens, you know you have so many more reasons to love again, and so many more people who love you so much more than he ever could. And those are the people around you - you family and your friends, like me.

    I love you, and that love is boundariless!!

    By Anonymous Cherubaddie, at Mon Oct 02, 01:01:00 PM 2006  

  • Dear Liza, I have no doubt your inner strength will pull you through. And though it’s easy for me to say I do hope you will take it to heart that he does not deserve you and never did.

    Ina

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Oct 02, 01:05:00 PM 2006  

  • Hi Liza, I know we have had our differences over the year but that does not mean I could not offer you my comfort.

    Honestly, I am speechless. I have never had the experience such as yours. But sincerely, I felt your pain. I can only say you should be grateful that once, in your lifetime, you were given the opportunity to love Tahir, to have his love and that you both have had good and sweet memories to treasure.

    Nothing is permanent in this world except GOD, if that will comfort you. Put your trust in HIM that HE know what is best for you, for us.

    You have pulled it through, through all these four years and am sure you can face the tomorrows that come with better and renewed strength.

    Take care. Regards,N

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Oct 02, 03:10:00 PM 2006  

  • Ms J...thanks for offering me your shoulders. This wound hasn't healed for so long and I cannot imagine to think how much longer I have to carry this burden. I hope it will go away very soon!

    Azer...no worry if you're speechless. Like that song by R. Keating, you say it best when you say nothing at all :)

    Harm Done...I found out last weekand only really sink in after a few days actually. It was very bad when it started to sink in but I guess it's not too bad now that my emotions are stabilised again, and I have let go in a way.

    Cherubaddie...I love you too!

    Ina...you're probably right. But of course I don't want to bury it all with a vengence. I would rather do it in peace.

    N...you may have drifted away from me for the longest time after what was a silly thing, but do know that you were never away from my heart. Thus, I never see us as being apart actually. Yes I am grateful for the happy years with him, that was why I was able to love him unconditionally and let him go sans malice. Indeed, you're right about God's unconditional love.

    By Blogger Nel, at Mon Oct 02, 03:25:00 PM 2006  

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