What's your true colour?

You know what, I think my true color is partly why some mean people take advantage of me sometimes. Fortunately, only less than 20% of people take advantage of me and the other 80% of people values and appreciate me for what I am or what I've done for them. At the end of the day, things even out. We win some, we lose some, so to speak.

According to Tickle.com, Nel's true color is Green!

Nel's color is green, the color of growth and vigor. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. Hehehe...wow! I hope some people agrees to that.



Just to share with you some of qualities of the green people are:

Good-hearted and giving

Nel is only kedekut to jantan2 kabaret :)

Have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people

Nel loves to help people grow :) Ask Nel to teach someone something and she'll do it willingly if it makes a difference to another person's life.

Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on the green people to be around in times of need, since their concern for people is genuine and sincere.

Oh dear, Nel has friends calling her in the wee hours of the morning asking for help or just wanting me to lend an ear sometimes. The problem is when people misconstrue Nel's good intention as something else and he expects more that what Nel is willing to give.

Takes pride in being a good friend.

Yes, yes, yes! Nel loves all her friends :)

For the green people, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position.

Right, Nel is not materialistic. You don't need to be rich, or beautiful or smart to be Nel's friend. However, a good intention and sincerity are prerequisites.

What's your true colour?

A series of unfortunate events

People may fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to blame someone else. I'm not blaming the jerks I've been out with in the past. I got conned because I was quite gullible at times. Memang pantang kena ayat lebih-lebih sikit!



But hey, you know what, I think there are silver linings behind the series of unfortunate events in my life in the last couple of years. I failed many times in my love relationships.

But I don't consider myself a failure, nor do I blame the men or the other women. I call it "teething pains" that were necessary as a pivotal part of my growing up and wisening up. C'est la vie! as the French says it.

As one of my favorite poets, Ralph Waldo Emerson puts it, "The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."




I share the sentiments of a holocaust camp prisoner Anne Frank who wrote in her diary, "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."



In restropect, my failures make me learn about life and love the hard way and make me wiser in my future choices. Because I failed in my love relationships, I know what I don't want in a man.



As a result, better decision on my part. Some people do it right the first time around, but not everybody does - that is why there are such things as second chances.

What every woman should

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her how far she has come...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to....



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to live alone...even if she doesn't like it...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE..something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE..a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips,or the nature of her parents...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE..one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...




EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder...and when to walk away...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...a feeling of control over her destiny...




EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...

Contemplation time...

Contemplation time, intuition time, evolution time, resolution time, sings Beastie Boys, creating a love vibe in that hip song, “Stand Together”.


I don't see things quite the same as I used to, as I live my life I've got just me to be true to, and when I find that I don't know about just what to do, I turn and look within to see what I should do, now I'm not sure what it takes to be hip


Singing along the same note, I suppose when we expose ourself to a higher level of thinking and awareness, it is impossible for us to be happy with where we were before we come to be.


Free your mind it's time for good times, and let yourself move it's a time to shine, spread your wings in the sky, feelin' good inside, breaking fool with no need to hide, I got the music cuttin' throught me, takin' control of my soul, I can't hold back I've got to let go


That is why I love to go for training workshops. I learn new things almost every time I join one. Right now, I’m going through a management enhancement program that aims to make me a transformative leader – an agent of change for excellence. Hahaha a transformer, like what one of the blog browsers calls me in his comment.

Oh don’t I just love changes! It opens my mind to infinite possibilities.

This modular program covers heavy mental stuff like fourth wave intelligence, 3D customer relationship management, breakthrough leadership and breakthrough results over half a year.

Not that I mind if it goes on for an entire year or years, for that matter. Thank God, I have just one more module to go to complete my program.

Learning is, after all, a life long journey from the cradle to the grave.

It’s just that new things excites me, turns me on.

I guess challenges in life work like a potent aphrodisiac for me.

Oh seduce me with what you know, baby! Yes, brain is a sex organ, honey… Enlighten me, darling, switch off that light. Let me learn your body as you study mine.

Hehehe…just a notty thought.


With World Cup 2006 still fresh in our minds, let me indulge you with a brief analogy on the game.

Most people just like you and me are comfortable being the goalkeepers rather than strikers. Rather than treading on the path less taken – like venturing into new territories and trying out new ideas, most of us take the safe route and concentrate on not making mistakes.



We plod on day in day out on thinking we will be safe as long as we stay on the trodden path.

Surely an educated person must take calculated risks and if not sure, take an educated guess, not taram saja lah labu.



What I learned from the program is that in the future, this mindset will not work anymore. Goalkeepers, important as they are, hardly score goals. Unless we score goals, we cannot win against the competition. If we fail to rise above our competitors, we will find ourselves with no team left to keep goal for.



As the earth spins into brand new day, I see the light on the horizons's not fading away, gonna shine from within like a bright white sun


We must think and play like strikers - be brave and willing to take the shots at scoring goals. Continuously adding value to our lives should be the ultimate game plan.


Got the vibrations of the music
Bringing light to your mind

Sense the power in the air as it starts to move, you get a real good feeling that you just can't lose...stand together people come together now, it's about time we've got to get together y'all


Just sharing with you this thought as it passes through my mind, hoping to spread some good vibes to you :)

Roman invasion!

This morning, the Italians defeated the French and won the battle, and claimed the Champion title to the World Cup 2006!

Thank God! At least I broke even in my friendly bets because Portugal lost to Germany in the third and fourth placing game yesterday morning. Or else I'd be buying dinners for some friends. Hehehe not that I mind doing that actually. My bets are child's play compared to the hundreds or thousands of ringgit some friends are betting for. Some friends in Qatar are calling it "investments"!

Hahaha sleepless nights watching World Cup 2006? Aren't you glad that World Cup 2006 is finally over? Time for a commercial break and time to break away from World Cup Fever. If you're a guy, these pictures would refresh your tired eyes with some eye candy. As a finale and farewell to World Cup 2006, here are pictures of some World Cup Babes dressed up in themes to support their favorite teams for the love of the game.

Italy...can now sing that song, we are the Champions, my friends...



Ole Ole Portugal...



Viva Brazil...



Holland....



ABBAcadabra Sweden...



Paraguay...



Trinidad & Tobago...



Poland...



And finally...England!



Hahaha...Omigod! God Save the Queen!

Beautiful game, beautiful men

It's football to some, soccer to some, bolasepak to some. Whatever you call it, it's often called 'the beautiful game' - probably because of the skills and talents demonstrated by players in the field.

The beauty of this game is that you don't have to understand the game like an expert to really enjoy it. During World Cup 2006, you will see all mamak restaurants and stalls and cafes that offer big screen TVs filled to the brim with fans from all walks of life. Even non-football fans like me join football fan friends in watching the game. So, in a way, football enhances bonding among friends.

For the non-football fans, the good news is, even if you don't know a midfielder from a forward, World Cup 2006 is a unique opportunity for you to admire some of the most stunning sportsmen the world has to offer. Hehehe physically especially.

I'm not a diehard football fan so don't ask me about the game. I'm more interested in the players. Here are some eye candies for who shares my "passion" for the game, but not in any particular order.

* * *

To facilitate the rigorous and exhausting task of scrutinising the 32 teams taking part, let me present to you, with the help of a friend, some of the most beautiful men (gulp!) of World Cup 2006.

The sexiest team accolade must go to the searingly intense Italians, who boast four entries on our list. Portugal and England also get an honourable mention for their sexy squad. Sadly, with only five teams in the running, Africa's men didn't quite make the grade.

* * *

Fabio Cannavaro (Italy)

Gasp! Possibly the most beautiful man in football today. Born on 13 September 1973, Italy's skipper and the most capped player among the current Italian squad, Fabio Cannavaro is a stalwart of the Azzurri side.



What he lacks in height (175 cm), this Defender for Juventus makes up for with great anticipation, aggression and power - and of course a stunning body (72 kg), complete with a face Michelangelo would have killed to sculpt.

* * *

David Beckham (England)

What more can be said about David Beckham. David Beckham, born on 2 May 1975, is one of England's true ambassadors for the game of football. Midfielder for Real Madrid (ESP), he is renowned for his spectacular goals and his celebrity lifestyle, he is an idol and hero to many.



Beckham is undeniably one of the world's most gorgeous men - at 182 cm in height and 64kg in weight - a feature that's often overshadowed his sporting prowess. More than anything, however, Beckham is a dedicated professional, who takes immense pride in his role as England captain. His talent with a football was evident from an early age, and it has earned him unprecedented fame and wealth.

* * *

Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal)

You don't get much hotter than Cristiano Ronaldo Santos Aveiro, Forward for Manchester United (ENG) Born on 5 February 1985, this 21 year old is one of the sexiest young talents in world football.



With his surging runs and dazzling skills performed at blistering pace, comparisons with his Brazilian namesake have been inevitable. Born on the island of Madeira, he began his footballing career at the age of 17. His rise to stardom since then has been nothing short of meteoric.

* * *

Andriy Shevchenko (Ukraine)



Former A.C. Milan striker, Andriy Shevchenko, who transferred to Chelsea in the 2006 close season, was born in Dvirkivshchyna, Kyev in the Ukraine on 29 September 1976. In 1999, Shevchenko joined Milan from Dynamo Kiev, where he had spent 5 succesful seasons.

He became the first non-Italian to be top scorer in a debut season in Italy with 24 goals in 32 matches. On 31 May 2006, Shevchenko was transferred to Chelsea for around £30 million.

Andriy Shevchenko has faced the seemingly impossible task of hauling his country along the path to Germany practically single-handed. Shevchenko has an excellent scoring record with his national team, Ukraine with nearly a goal every two games.

* * *

Dejan Stankovic (Serbia & Montenegro)

He was born on September 11, 1978) in Zemun, a suburb of Belgrade, the capital of Serbia. Both of his parents, Borislav and Dragica, had strong soccer (football) backgrounds. Stanković currently plays as a midfielder for Internazionale in Milan.



Previous club teams included Red Star Belgrade and Lazio of Rome. "Deki" made his international debut, for FR Yugoslavia, against South Korea on April 22, 1998. He occasionally captains the Serbia and Montenegro national football team. You may not quite know where exactly Serbia and Montenegro is, but Dejan Stankovic's good looks will inspire you to visit.

This cheeky midfielder has versatility and the ability to perform wherever he is needed. This Midfielder for Inter (ITA) is technically-gifted and an instinctive finisher, with an excellent sense of positioning and he has recently managed to bring his hair-trigger temper under control (ooh)..

***

Landon Donovan (United States)

Widely considered to be the best U.S. born talent the country has ever produced. This Midfielder led the Los Angeles Galaxy (USA ) to the MLS Cup and Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup titles in 2005, his first season with the club.



I could think of no better man tasked with popularising soccer in the US than the very desirable Landon Donovan. Blessed with an ability to press forward and get goals, he's described as the most talented and technically gifted American player of his generation. Born on 4 March 1982, this 24 year old three-time American Footballer of the Year is a player worth watching on and off the soccer field.

***

Luiz Figo (Portugal)

Luís Filipe Madeira Caeiro Figo was born on 4 November 1972 in in the working-class neighbourhood of Almada Lisbon, Portugal. Figo is a Portuguese international footballer, who plays as a midfielder and winger, currently for Inter Milan. Figo was the 2000 European Footballer of the Year, the 2001 FIFA World Player of the Year, and was named amongst the FIFA 100.



Known for his exceptional trickery and dribbling skills on either wing (though he predominantly plays on the right), Figo is one of the few footballers to have played for both the Spanish rival clubs FC Barcelona and Real Madrid.

Figo is one of the best-known faces in world football, and indisputably one of the most talented players to grace the game in recent years. Masterful with the ball at his feet, Figo's skills and leadership qualities have seen him ranked among the greatest Portuguese footballers of all time. Rugged, handsome and very much all man.

***

Nelson Haedo Valdez (Paraguay)



Nelson Antonio Haedo-Valdez, born 28 November 1983 in Caaguazú, is a Paraguayan football player. An attacker, he has played 6 matches for the Paraguay national football team. He currently plays as a Forward for Werder Bremen (Germany), a club he joined in 2001 just days after celebrating his 18th birthday, from Atletico Tembetary in Paraguay.

The spunky looking has represented his country at the 2003 FIFA World Youth Championship and the 2004 Copa America. He also scored the vital qualifying goal against Venezuela which took Paraguay to the 2006 World Cup. While he still has some way to go to make his mark, we'd be happy to help with his ball handling skills.

***

Michael Ballack (Germany)



Michael Ballack, born September 26, 1976 in Görlitz, then GDR is a German football player. He is contracted to Chelsea in the English Premier League from 2006 to 2009.

Michael Ballack, the 30 year old midfield maestro of Bayern Munich and Germany, is one of the few German players that the experts unanimously believe to be "world class". Germany's hopes rest largely on his shoulders if they are to win the 2006 FIFA World Cup, with the Chemnitz-born star coming under extreme scrutiny every time he takes to the field. Watch out for those killer blue eyes; they'll break your heart in two.

***

Gianluigi Buffon (Italy)



Boasting a searing Italian sensuality, Gianluigi Buffon was born in Carrara, Italy on 28 January 1978 into a Sporting family - his mother, Maria Stella was a disks thrower, his father Adriano was a weight lifter, his two sisters, Veronica and Guendalina, play volleyball and his uncle, Angelo Masocco, played basketball. He is also a nephew of former Milan and Italy goalkeeper Lorenzo Buffon.

As a young boy growing up in Italy, Gigi played as a midfielder. However he decided to change his position to goalkeeper after he lost the will to run, this proved to be a great decision as Gigi is now one of the greatest goalkeepers in the world.

The goalkeeper made his Serie A debut at the age of 17 years and was first-choice goalkeeper at Parma for six seasons before his world-record transfer to Juventus in 2001. It was here that he won his first Serie A title, a habit he's become used to.

***

Luca Toni (Italy)

Luca Toni (born May 26, 1977 in Pavullo nel Frignano, Modena) is an Italian football player. He plays as a striker for ACF Fiorentina and the Italian national team. He started his professional career at Modena in 1994.



After a Serie B season with Treviso in 1999, he moved to Vicenza Calcio, playing in Serie A for the first time. He then moved to Brescia Calcio and played for two seasons along-side Roberto Baggio. He joined Palermo in 2003 and aided the team to win Serie B by scoring thirty goals during the season, consequently gaining his first cap for the national team. In the following season, he scored twenty goals. In July 2005, he was transferred by Palermo owner, Maurizio Zamparini, to Fiorentina for €10m.

After nine seasons on Italy 's footballing periphery, the sultry Luca Toni has rocketed to the centre of attention with great goalscoring form. Tall, with great control on the ball and excellent finishing skills (ahem...) Toni has become Italy's number one striker in Serie A and the national team. We bet he's pretty much number one at whatever he does. On 30 June 2006, Toni scored two goals in the 2006 FIFA World Cup quarter-finals against Ukraine.

***

Alessandro Del Piero (Italy)



Alessandro Del Piero (born November 9, 1974 in Conegliano) is an Italian football player. He is currently the captain of Juventus and a member of the Italian national side.

Usually, Del Piero plays as a support-striker and occasionally between the midfield and the strikers (in the hole), known in Italy as the "Trequartista" position. He is not the tallest of forwards, but is certainly one of the most creative forwards in the world, rather than being a "goal poacher."

Del Piero is renowned for his deadly finishing, and the ease in which he dribbles past defenders. He is an expert in dead-ball situations as he is among the world's best in taking freekicks and penalty kicks. Particularly famous for inside-curling, dipping shot that he takes in the area that is up to 10 yards outside the penalty box, which is known as "La Zona Del Piero" meaning "The Del Piero Zone.

When the young Alessandro Del Piero joined Juventus, he was a physically slight man; he had to work hard to build muscle strength and speed. A combination of these new found attributes, outstanding technique and an eye for goal, soon earned him the nickname Pinturicchio - after the renaissance painter. Actually, I think he'd be much better suited as a painter's subject..

***

Michael Owen (England)

Michael James Owen (born December 14, 1979 in Chester, Cheshire) is an English football player. Currently with Newcastle United. He has also played for Liverpool and Real Madrid. He plays as a striker, and is noted particularly for his speed, acceleration and clinical finishing. He has enjoyed a hugely successful and high-profile career at both club and international level and was the European Footballer of the Year in 2001.



Michael Owen was just 18 when he etched his name on to the minds of football fans around the world with one of the goals of the 1998 FIFA World Cup. He became an instant global soccer star. At thirty his wholesome boy next door good looks remain a football fantasy come to life.

Lelaki, jantan dan ...

If you take Pareto's Law as a guide, only 20% of men over 35 in Malaysia are single. Out of this 20%, only 20% are lelaki and 80% are either jantan or gays. So you see, there are so many jantan and not many lelaki in the singles market.

Bluetooth, my friend aptly described, "Lelaki akan jaga perempuan dan betina. Jantan pelingkup perempuan dan betina."

Similarly, "Perempuan akan jaga lelaki dan jantan. Betina pelingkup lelaki dan jantan." Simply translated, lelaki is a man, jantan is a dog. Perempuan is a lady, betina is a bitch.

Lelaki, a dying breed, is a gentleman in a true sense, who is responsible for his own actions and highly respects women, ladies or not. When he woos a woman, he is respectful of her. When courting a woman, he is respectful of her. When in a relationship, he is committed. When the relationship cannot work out for whatever reasons, he is still respectful of her and lets her go very gently.

Impossible to find such a man? Not really, I've known some lelaki who actually made sure that his ex-wife and children are well provided for after divorce. They understand that the ex-wife was afterall the mother of their children. Only wise men with foresight and forward planning would understand the need to preserve their life's legacy by having children who respect their father and remember him in their prayers as their bekalan akhirat. You can't have your children do that for you if you abandon them and not respect their mother.



Jantan will show his good sides when trying to woo a woman. Once he gets her he shows his true colours. After he loses interest in her especially in having sex with her, he will soon dump her like dirt. This is especially true if he made her pregnant.

A spawn of the jantan species is a more lethal species called Jantan Kabaret.

Jantan Kabaret is a jantan whose pursuit in life is purely hedonistic. They have no conscience for they know no remorse or guilt. They play dirty emotional games with both perempuan and betina ruthlessly. When a female species falls for him, he would manipulate and use her - her body and sometimes her money. They are very slick and good in mengayat - using incredible pick-up lines most females would melt over.

Similarly, there are so many betina and not many perempuan too...

In a man's lens, perempuan is a woman you are likely to ask her hand in marriage, and make her the mother of your children. Betina is a woman whom you just want to have fun with and not think of marriage. In fact, to have a betina as a mother to your children would be a nightmare. I gotta say I saw lots of true betina when I used to go out clubbing. I think that was one of the reasons why I stopped clubbing - sometimes I felt out of place because I don't think I belong to the betina species. Not that all females who go clubbing are betina, as sometimes you need to let off steam and have a bit of fun. But what I'm saying is, there's more betina hanging in clubs than in decent places.



A spin off from betina species is Perempuan Kabaret whose pursuit is purely materialistic. Perempuan Kabaret, however, is better than Jantan Kabaret at seducing her victim and made him give her whatever she wants from him. She only goes for a man who can give her luxury in life. He may or not marry her, but does she care? Once the man is no longer able to give her what she wants, she will move on to another victim.

Hehehe only you know if you are a lelaki, jantan, perempuan or betina...

Dagang hamba terbuang lalu

Sejak kecil lagi aku biasa membaca dan menulis dalam bahasa penjajah iaitu Bahasa Inggeris. Maka tidak hairan lah jika aku berfikir pun dalam bahasa penjajah. Apatah lagi aku belajar di sekolah orang putih yang dipanggil missionary school. Jangan pula disalahertikan dengan missionary position. Eh eh melalut pula topik aku sampai ke topik seks. Memang betul lah otak aku ini blue, minda biru...hahaha!

Walaubagaimanapun sejak akhir-akhir ini aku sudah mula menjinakkan diri untuk mendalami jiwa separuh Melayu aku. Separuh memandangkan aku cuma separuh Melayu saja, itu pun bukan Melayu asli sebab keturunan aku Peranakan Jawa-Cina.

Sambung cerita tentang diri aku...

Setelah menamatkan pendikian sekolah menengah aku mendapat biasiswa penuh daripada Kerajaan Malaysia untuk meneruskan pelajaran di San Jose, California di Amerika Syarikat selama lima tahun di jurusan pentadbiran perniagaan dan mengkhusus pula di bidang pengurusan dan ekonomi.



Emak memang tidak setuju aku belajar di Amerika Syarikat sebab aku anak perempuan tunggalnya. Dia sanggup nak jual tanah nak hantar aku belajar di Australia kerana ibu saudara aku ketika itu bermastautin di sana. Jadi tidak lah aku bersendirian di perantauan. Tapi sifat aku memang degil. Sebenarnya, aku pun tidak mahu menyusahkan emak aku sampak nak jual tanah pula nak tanggung aku belajar. Aku fikir, sudah dapat biasiswa penuh, aku ambil saja lah peluang yang terbuka. Inilah peluang aku untuk belajar hidup sendiri dan berdikari. Sampai bila nak duduk di bawah ketiak emak!

Maka aku pun berangkat ke Amerika Syarikat akhirnya pada umur 18 tahun. Aku akui aku memang masih mentah dan naive. Aku pergi hanya berbekalkan semangat yang tebal di dada dan cita-cita yang tinggi menggunung untuk mendapatkan segulung ijazah...

Cik Mahat menahan bubu
Bubu dijemur di tengah halaman
Tingallah ayah tinggallah ibu
Anakanda merantau timba pengalaman

Telur cicak dalam dulang
Entah bertulang entahkan tidak
Sudah sampai negeri orang
Entah pulang entahkan tidak

Anna Abadi mengasah parang
Parang disimpan di atas para
Dagang seorang di negeri orang
Tiada teman tiada saudara

Selepas mengharungi perjalanan jauh merentangi lautan luas selama 21 jam penerbangan, aku pun sampai ke California. Aku menuntut ilmu di San Jose State University iaitu universiti negeri yang termahal di Amerika Syarikat dan antara 100 yang terbaik di antara lebih 20,000 buah universiti di negara tersebut.

Kerana yuran yang sangat mahal, Kerajaan tidak menaja ramai pelajar Malaysia di San Jose. Jadi, pelajar Melayu tidak ramai di San Jose, boleh dikira dengan sepuluh jari saja. Sudah lah bilangan tidak ramai, yang ada pun yang extremist terutamanya kakak-kakak senior yang sudah berkahwin. Mereka selalu bising kerana aku berkawan dengan abang-abang senior yang bujang. Aku bukan nak menggatal, cuma minta tolong tunjuk ajar dalam pelajaran dan menyesuaikan diri di negara orang. Aduh! Itu pun aku disuruh menikah. Aku fikir bukankah kerja gila, takkanlah aku nak menikah kerana berkawan saja agaknya? Senang sangatkah nak menikah?



Tiap kali usrah aku saja yang kena sindir. Buat sakit telinga aku saja. Pada pendapat aku kalau nak berdakwah pun biarlah kena caranya untuk menarik minat orang. Jadi aku pun menjauhkan diri daripada kelompok extremist ini dan membawa diri aku.

Pantun Melayu ini membayangkan perasaan aku pada masa itu...

Kajang tuan kajang berlipat
Kajang hamba mengkuang layu
Dagang tuan dagang bertempat
Dagang hamba terbuang lalu

Bengis sungguh orang pangkalan
Lalu-lalang perahu dihalang
Menangis dagang sepanjang jalan
Mengenang nasib di negeri orang

Aku pun tinggal lah dengan bangsa-bangsa asing seperti Inggeris, Panama, Vietnam, Argentina, Venezuela dan Jepun. Rumah aku bagai melting pot sebab kawan-kawan aku yang berkunjung terdiri daripada pelbagai bangsa daripada merata dunia. Semestinya bahasa pengantara adalah Bahasa Inggeris. Lama-kelamaan aku hanya berfikir di dalam Bahasa Inggeris dan bila bercakap dalam Bahasa Melayu pun aku berfikir di dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Otak aku menterjemahkan fikiran aku ke dalam Bahasa Melayu.



Aku rasa ada juga hikmahnya bila aku membawa diri jauh daripada pelajar Melayu. Boleh juga ku meluaskan minda bila bergaul dengan berbagai-bagai bangsa dan mendapat pendedahan kepada budaya lain. Misalnya, aku boleh memasak macam-macam masakan selain daripada masakan Melayu - aku belajar juga serba sedikit masakan Amerika Selatan daripada rakan-rakan serumah aku yang daripada Argentina dan Venezuela, masakan Vietnam daripada rakan serumah yang berbangsa Vietnam, dan masakan Inggeris daripada rakan serumah yang berbangsa Inggeris. Aku juga belajar buat sushi daripada rakan serumah yang berbangsa Jepun.

Namun, aku rasa sedih juga sebab kena pulau oleh bangsa aku sendiri kerana bagi mereka aku sudah kafir kerana aku tinggal bersama orang-orang bukan Islam. Alangkah sempitnya minda mereka walaupun ramai daripada mereka merupakan pelajar yang cemerlang. Tapi aku terima saja lah, sudah nasib badan begini. Cekalkan saja hati, jangan terlalu memperdulikan apa orang kata. We cannot make everybody happy!

Jadi sejak itu kawan-kawan terdiri daripada bangsa asing saja, termasuk kawan baik perempuan aku, seorang art therapist yang berbangsa Jepun-Amerika dan seorang lagi teman rapat aku, seorang doktor berbangsa Spanish-Perancis. Dengan mereka aku cakap Bahasa Inggeris lah. Dan selama lima tahun aku di Amerika Syarikat, aku cuma berbahasa Melayu bila berbual dengan keluarga aku apabila aku menelefon Malaysia saja, dan bila terserempak dengan pelajar Melayu yang lain.

Hehehe ini lah cerita nya bagaimana aku mula berfikir dalam Bahasa Inggeris.

Cerdik nan jangan dilagakkan

Serangkai Pantun Melayu telah membuahkan ilham dan inspirasi untuk aku mencuba untuk menulis blog dalam bahasa ibundaku.

Jika penghulu berkemanakan,
Itu menganjung meninggikannya;
Cerdik nan jangan dilagakkan,
Mungkin bingung kesudahannya.
Mengeluarkan kata fikir dahulu,
Ingat nan sebelum kena,
Mentang-mentang kitalah tahu,
Ilmu pasti nan akan dipakai.

Pantun ini membawa maksud, kalau kita ada ilmu pengetahuan, jangan meninggikan diri pula. Lebih baik kita berkongsi ilmu pengetahuan kita dengan orang lain yang boleh mendapat manfaat daripada apa yang kita kongsi.



Bukan itu sahaja. Apabila kita berkongsi ilmu pengetahuan dan bertukar-tukar fikiran dan pendapat, lebih banyak ilmu pengetahuan yang akan dapat diilhamkan.

Kita juga memahami subjek tersebut dengan lebih mendalam lagi. Seperti kata orang putih, "teach and you will learn". Dengan itu, aku harap para pembaca blog aku ini sedikit sebanyak dapat belajar daripada kesilapan aku dan daripada apa yang aku pelajari daripada kesilapan aku.

Bak kata Raja Rock Malaysia, Ramli Sarip, "aku menulis bukan kerana nama. Kerana sifat kasih pada sesama insan, dan menyatakan kasih sayang ku. Kita sama, semuanya sama. Apa yg ada hanyalah kehidupan..."

My kindergarten teacher lied

With too many break-ups, divorces and my own failings in relationships, my faith in marriage is beginning to erode. Am trying hard to keep my faith.

What happens to happy ever after endings after promising "I do". Is there such thing as a happy ever after ending afterall?



My kindergarten teachers must have lied to me during the three months I went to kindergarten.

Did you know that I refused to continue kindergarten because I was tired of being the only pupil who knew the right answers? My mom had something to do with it but I won't blame her. Bukan salah ibu mengandung. Bukan silap ibu mendidik. She was enthusiastic with me being her first born, and started to teach me how to read and write when I was just three. I began reading and writing when I was just four.

I finished reading children's books before I was seven and moved on to Enid Blyton's Famous Five and Thomas Hardy's Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series until I was nine. Thereafter I started reading novels. Not before long, I moved into Mills & Boons and discovered romance. I began writing short stories when I was twelve. My literature teacher was beyond belief that I wrote them myself. She said what I wrote about was beyond my age - hehehe I wrote about love, romances and relationships. Being called to the headmistress' office for a long lecture kinda plugged my explorations into story writing. Thereafter, I moved on to Shakespeare and classic literature...

And then I discovered my dad's adult novels and magazines which he hid well and thought I would never find :)

I remember how horrified my mom was - she almost fell off her chair - when I asked her what "mati pucuk" or "erectile dysfucntion" means. I was only seven or eight. Haha that hilarious! And that was the end of my adult readings! Bummer!

We see things as we are

Happy Monday! Monday is not my favorite day but Monday morning traffic is better than Friday evening going through two hours of heavy traffic at Jalan Sg Besi just to get home to Ampang. Besides, I don't believe in Monday Blues - it's in your mind!



I think whole of last week was very eventful. World Cup 2006: England lost it and Beckham stepped down as captain. That's not too bad because I'm not a fan of England. I'm disappointed that Brasil lost. I think they play good game and with lots of passion and art to it. England is like commercial break - "Brand It Like Beckham". Germany on the other hand, won. Much to my disappointment. Many people think it's fixed - they gotta look good as a host. I'd like to bet for Portugal for the finals, if not Italy or France. But I think Germany will win. Hehehe enough of World Cup. Better have a cuppa instead!



One shocking news was Mawi unceremoniously breaking up his engagement to his fiancee Diana Naim through the phone. What the heck! I'm no longer a fan of Mawi anyways. Popularity has changed him and I don't like his new image. What's wrong with men nowadays. Too many Jantan and not many Lelaki, I guess. I thought Mawi is different. Hmmm kinda reminds me of my ex-hubby who only sms me to tell me it was over between us. Well, at least Mawi spoke to Diana. That still doesn't make it right though, Mawi.

Whatever it is there are three sides to every story.

We don't see things as they are,
we see them as we are.

- Anais Nin

However, this scenario is all too familiar. When a man wants a woman, he would go all out to woo her. Sometimes he even begs her. Promised the world to her. When he no longer wants her, he becomes indifferent to her. Shove her aside like dirt. The least he could do is be a man and break it gently to her. Give her that last shred of dignity and give her proper closure.

Mawi, please be a MAN and meet Diana!

I feel sad too that Erra and Yusri got divorced. Not that I'm a fan of either celebrity but I'm not a fan of break-ups either.



Closer to earth, a close friend is also going through divorce. That doesn't help me. I was full of admiration, sometimes envy, for them as a couple. My perception of them as a strong couple was wrong. They had separated and lived apart for the last six years and the happy couple image was just a front cover. Kinda took me by surprise.



With too many break-ups, divorces and my own relationship failings, my faith in marriage is beginning to erode. Is there such thing as a happy ever after ending?